I received some very saddening news during my office hours at school this morning, learning a student of mine had passed away last week, and forgive me, but I need to write about it. The only detail I feel comfortable sharing, and the one thing that I can’t shake, is that she absolutely did not see this coming; my better half & I lost our very dear friend Brad a few years ago, abruptly & unexpectedly from a rare blood disorder, and this brings up some very raw emotions I’ve stuffed deep since that time. Knowing someone with an unswerving passion for life who is lost early in their journey just hurts so much, it just feels so damn unfair…I didn’t even know this student very well, and yet reading over her papers from this semester I’m overcome by her sense of anticipation for the adventures around the next corner, and its overwhelming me with a torrent of feelings, sadness, anger, ashamed for being so lazy and taking so much for granted in my life, thankful for everything I have, determined to try harder, then ashamed again because I know this will wear off in intensity, and I’ll get lazy again…and it’s just not fucking fair that so many people who desperately want to live die while evil rat-bastards live long healthy lives, and it affirms my belief that nature, biology, physics---they don’t consider karma, or virtues, or anything other than reality itself, which sometimes means a crappy illness robs the world of amazing individuals, and there is no greater reason to it, it just plain sucks. Tell the people you love how much you love them, because life is too damn short. I apologize for the heaviness. Dedicated to the memory of Jenna, and to us all trying a little bit harder...
